Managing Two Households Under One Roof

two-households-one-roof

A Very Uncomfortable Topic For Millennials

I think its time to come out of the dark on this very uncomfortable topic.  More and more Millennials are moving in with their parents.  Could this be the new norm?  It is time to address the elephant in the room.

It can be terrifying to tell people that my husband and I along with our three kids live with his parents.  Statistics show that in Southern California 1/3 of Millennials still live at home with mom and dad.  You can be the most significant contributor to the house and even pay a small amount of rent.  It is still a sensitive subject to many.

How It Happened To Me 

My husband and I have been living with my in-laws for seven years now.  I moved in with my daughter when my husband and I got engaged.  We were only supposed to be here temporarily until we saved up money and got our place after we got married.

At the time we were both working full time and making enough money to put away, but we also were not paying any rent.  Yes rent-free, my husband’s parents indeed bless us.  With that said it was effortless to spend money that was available.

I am not proud or excited to share that we made some bad decisions.  Taking the luxury of having money that was there and spending it on things we desired that probably could have waited.

Six months into marriage, real life started to happen.  We found out I was pregnant with my son Aidan.  Then my husband was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis.  So at that point, the money was going towards a new baby and costly medical bills.

In Debt And No Hope

Our situation was putting us in debt, and we fell so far behind that it made no sense to even think about moving out.  We got stuck in a very tough situation.

As time went on, we got more complacent.  The rent in our area went up.  Another baby came, and now we have three kids and four adults under one roof.

Sometimes I want to scream because I long for a home of my own where I can have complete control and be the Mom and Wife, without competing with someone else every day.  But I also need to remind myself why this has happened and to move forward.

There Is A Way To Manage Living At Home

I can’t look back on the mistakes that I made.  All I can do is make the changes necessary to get to where I want to be.  Budgeting, not spending money that we don’t have.  I am a person who likes nice things.  One day I believe that those nice things will be available to enjoy.

For now, I am willing to put those things on the back burner per se.  Stick it out, pray and trust God that he has a home for us.  God is never late; he’s always on time.  God will come through for you.  For now, I encourage you to pray for peace in the home, strength to get through another day and joy during this season of life.

 

 

Don’t Be Like This Guy From The Step Brothers Movie

Some Facts To Consider

No, you are not a mooch or a slacker.  I don’t think its ever that way for anyone whether you have a family of your own or are in college, maybe you are paying off student loans or some debt.  Living with parents is hard.  But the rent is so expensive in Southern California that you can save that money you would typically spend on rent.  Let’s look at the facts:

  • Millennials are the largest, most diverse educated generation.
  • Millennials turned 18 during the worst economy since the Great Depression, the jobs created during the recovery have not paid enough to get caught up.
  • Millennials are also waiting longer to get married, have children, and owning a home.

Some Tips On Living With Mom And Dad

  •  Set the boundaries-  If you are married,  have kids, or you are single.  Have an honest conversation about who is the parent and who is the grandparent, unless you are not there and the grandparents are watching the kids.  Knock before you enter.  Food labeling,  Its almost as if you are all roommates.
  • Contribute- Offer to pay rent or manual labor.  Do chores around the house, cook a meal for everyone,  Pay the utilities.
  • Why are you there- Parents allowing us to stay with them is a blessing.  Save money, pay off debt.  It is easy to spend money when you have it and see that its there but resist and know this is not permanent.  Your parents want to help you get out one day too.
  • Know when you overstayed you welcome-  Especially if it is affecting your relationships and family.
  • Enjoy this time with them- I’m sure they are enjoying you and or your family and having grandkids in the home.

A Few Tips For Mom And Dad

For the Parents, be understanding.  Moving in with you is an awkward subject or time in your child’s life.  Be supportive and upfront with what you expect of us from the beginning.

I know for us that my in-laws would like to see us move out, but they are not rushing us out the door.  For some Millennials it is going to take longer to get caught up.

Conclusion And How To Manage This Season Of Life

If you are in this situation and living with your parents or in-laws, with or without children in the home, take some time to thank them.  It’s not as easy as it sounds, but It will make all the difference.

Our parents want to know that they are appreciated.  We are to honor our parents no matter what age we are.  I am preaching to myself right now.  I am so excited to see what God does for my family’s future and yours.

Just stay strong, resist spending on unnecessary items, so there’s money to save.  You can do it! I believe in you, it is not going to be easy at times, but it is going to be so worth it in the long run.

If you have any comments about this topic, please feel free to comment below.

 

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jennmcphie

5 Comments

  1. Carol berglund
    January 19, 2019 at 4:21 am

    Wow! Such a complicated situation. Everybody seems to win & everyone seems to loose some things. Loosing a lot of your privacy & marking your food is rough but it’s nice to have a live in babysitter.
    I would not want my in laws giving me advice about how to raise my kids. Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel alone even though it is a common situation.

  2. Lisa
    January 25, 2019 at 1:20 am

    Good read! As you know, I lingered after i turned 18 . I even got married and had kids all while living at home. The cost of living in Hawaii and the pay doesn’t really leave much room to do much. I’d like to read more of your content. Thanks for guiding me to your page and I look forward to reading more 👍🏼

  3. Angel Strunk
    January 27, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    I love that you’re willing to get so personal on your blog. Sometimes, a topic like this might get sugar-coated or not even discussed.
    Great job on this post!!

  4. Marcela
    January 28, 2019 at 5:45 am

    Many culture coexist. Your blessed that your in-laws are supportive. It’s a give and take on both sides. Remember that a day will arrive when your parents will need your help and your patience. Whether your under one roof or apart, Family support throughout the different stages of our lives is where the true love is found.

  5. Mary Louise
    January 28, 2019 at 6:19 am

    Nice blog! Raising 3 kids is not easy in any situation! Remember to pat yourself on the back and say good job! And that comment from one of your followers is right, someday you may need to assist the grandparents. It all works out! California sucks for all expenses ! Congratulate yourself for recognizing all of it!

    Love Aunt ML

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